The Christian Father
Compassion – loving forgiveness – is the supreme fatherly virtue.
Joseph Arthungal
I write as a Christian father and as one who has received grace to learn, and am learning. As I write, I give thanks for the faith of my own father (and mother, and grandparents); for the example of my natural brothers and sisters; and, for the many brethren in Christ who have loved me and helped me with fatherly care. I write to share the blessings with as many fathers as possible. Please, therefore, share this paper with other fathers.
God is our Father: The scripture speaks of God as the Father of the Lord Jesus Christ. Rom. 15:6; 2 Cor. 1:3. He is also our Father because we are adopted as sons in the Son. The divine fatherhood helps us understand the human fatherhood, and vice versa. The spiritual truths about fatherhood, both divine and human, are known by revelation from God only.
The father’s compassion: “Just as a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear Him.” Ps. 103:13. This defines a father’s heart (as corresponding to God’s) in the deepest sense: Compassion, that is, forgiving love. Our heavenly father loves us with forgiving love. The foremost fatherly virtue of a Christian father therefore is forgiving love. Forgiving not only to some extent or to a great extent, but all the way, even as God forgave us in His Son. Such a virtue is not ours except it be imparted to us by grace. Let us as fathers seek the face of God for this supreme virtue that should adorn every Christian father.
A picture of such forgiving love is offered to us in the father of the prodigal son. The father’s heart melted (“felt compassion,” Luke 15:20) at the sight of the son who had ruined himself and the father’s wealth. Not a thought of condemnation, but only compassion! Of course the returning son was a repenting son. But before the son expressed his repentance in words, he was in his father’s embrace.
The father’s correction: “For whom the Lord loves He corrects, even as a Father corrects the son in whom he delights.” Prov. 3:12. This also defines a father’s heart (as corresponding to God’s): Correction that is joined to love. God’s Spirit is poured out on, and God’s Word is made known to, those who accept the Lord’s correction. Prov. 1:23. We may see therefore that we as Christian fathers need to receive the Lord’s correction ourselves, and have God’s Spirit and God’s Word, to be able to correct our children in love. We need great grace from God to correct as God would.
The preceding three small paragraphs may be more important than the rest of this paper. So please take time to reflect; perhaps also to repent. It is true that there are instances when a Christian father needs to correct and discipline the children with firmness. Such correction is most effective and edifying if the children are living in the assurance of the father’s forgiving love. The father’s words will reflect his heart, and condition the response of the children in the many situations of daily life.
The father’s ministry in the household: The filial piety (respect for parents) is the channel that guides the child’s heart toward reverence for God. Children will grow up to appreciate God’s love in the parents’ love. This defines and glorifies the parents’ example before young children. Correction has to be in reference to a model, not in reference to a precept only. The father as the leader of the household is the foremost role model for the entire family. The word for family in Hebrew means, “father’s house,” and reflects the father’s place as the head of the household. Have we failed to see our calling? Have we failed to see our ministry? Let us hasten to the place of repentance.
A father’s ministry at home is recognized in the apostolic teaching setting forth the qualifications of overseers and deacons in the local Church which is the household of God. The overseer “ must be one who manages his own household well, keeping his children under control with all dignity (but if a man does not know how to manage his own household, how will he take care of the church of God?); …Let deacons be husbands of only one wife, and good managers of their children, and their own households.” 1 Tim. 3:4-12. Home life is a training-ground for Church life, especially for shepherding God’s people. This helps us understand how to think about family life, and seek God’s wisdom. “ By wisdom a house is built, and by understanding it is established; And by knowledge the rooms are filled with all precious and pleasant riches.” Prov. 24:3-4.
Eli was judge and high priest in Israel, but "his sons made themselves vile, and he restrained them not." I Samuel 3:13. But of Abraham, God said "...I know him, that he will command (teach and command, the Amplified Bible) his children and his household after him, and that they shall keep the ways of the Lord." Genesis 18:19. It is a father's ministry to teach and command his children in the ways of the Lord. How shall a father teach and command? The Scripture says: "Fathers, do not irritate and provoke your children to anger - do not exasperate them to resentment - but rear them (tenderly) in the training and discipline and the counsel and admonition of the Lord." Eph. 6:4, the Amplified Bible. Fathers often are likely to get angry and provoke their children to anger. Paul knew this, and so he gives counsel. Let us take heed.
Again we read: "You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up." Deut. 6:7. God's word thus becomes the center of life in the home. The father (also the mother) keeps God's Word in his heart, and it overflows in loving words to children in ordinary conversations. The pressures of daily life often make this difficult. We therefore need to be diligent, because we are told to "teach them diligently to your children." Deut. 6:7. We may do this at the dinner table. We may do this when we travel. We have opportunity to do this especially during family devotions. When we love our children, we will discover new ways of communicating with them in daily life. It is fellowship. It is pure joy to see your child receiving God's Word trustingly from your lips.
Leading children to a personal relationship with Christ: Let us emphasize an important point: Begin when the child is a child. The Lord Jesus Christ is calling the children to come to Him. Matt. 19:14. How early may we begin? “But thou art he that took me out of the womb: thou didst make me hope when I was upon my mother’s breasts.” Ps. 22:9. We may learn from this verse that as the mother nurses the child, she may also give him or her the pure milk of God’s Word in songs and stories and memory verses. As you pray for and with the child, the Lord will give you wisdom to minister the Word and the Spirit to the child. The mother’s (and the grandmother’s) role is prominent in the beginning, and the father joins in due time. As the Word is received in the child’s heart, the Spirit also is received. “The words that I speak to you are spirit, and they are life.” said Jesus. John 6:63. We are planting and watering the seed. God will give the growth. We must abide in faith for the future of the child even when the results are not encouraging. Such faith on our part pleases God. “All your children shall be taught by the Lord, and great shall be the peace of your children.” Isaiah 54:13. The children receive gladly and trustingly from mother and father, as well as from grandparents. The word of God will become a fountain of life in due time, and will keep them from drinking from the spirit of the world in their teenage years. God's Word will be fulfilled that says, "How can a young man cleanse his way? By taking heed according to Your Word." Ps 119:9.
Job’s care for his grown children: Job’s seven sons and three daughters were not little any more, but grown and living in their own houses. Yet Job cared for their spiritual welfare. From Job 1:5 we may learn: (1) At the conclusion of the days of feasting, “Job sent and sanctified them.” This implies that the caring father invited the sons and daughters to come to the altar at his home, and participate in the prayers and offering for them, and be purified from sin. Job was sensitive to the possibility of sin entering his children’s hearts while they were feasting. In the midst of seemingly innocent pleasures our hearts may depart from God. A caring father has the duty and authority to call even his grown children to repentance. From the place of feasting, let us hasten to the place of sacrifice. (2) Job rose up early in the morning, and offered burnt offerings according to the number of his sons and daughters. Burnt offerings for ten children, one offering for each! This teaches us how earnestly we should pray (as if offering a burnt offering) for each of our children, even grown ones, and even those living in their own houses. (3) Job did this continually; this was his custom. Job ministered as a priest for his family.
As a father, I have been moved by the example of Job who “was the greatest of all the men of the east” of his day (Job 1:3). I would encourage every father who is reading this to reflect on Job 1:4-5.
The father’s prophetic vision and blessing for children: In ancient times either the father (Gen. 4:26; 5:3,29; Ex. 2:22) or the mother (Gen. 4:1,25; 29:23) named the newborn. The naming had prophetic significance: the meaning of the name signified both the character and the potential of the child. What does this teach us? While the child is in the womb, the father (also the mother) may pray for the child, and receive an intimation in the spirit from the Lord concerning the child’s future. Thus the parents can bless the child with the appropriate name when it is born.
By faith Isaac and Jacob blessed their sons before death. A father’s blessing is an inheritance. We as fathers have a blessing to give to our children because we are blessed of God ourselves. In their old age, both Isaac and Jacob blessed their children with prophetic insight. These patriarchs were so close to God in their old age, so that they could see God’s plans for their children’s future. As we age let us draw close to God, so that we may bless our children, and be a blessing to them.
A father’s honor: “A son honors his father,…Then if I am a father, where is my honor?” Mal. 1:6. So great is the honor due to a father because in its essential nature it is like the honor due to God Himself. How thankful a father should be! This is the gift of God to man who was created in His own image. Long life on earth is promised to the children who honor their parents. See Ex. 20:12; Lev. 19:3; Eph. 6:2,3. Notice how solemn are the words and promise in these verses. Notice how blessed it is that God has linked parents and children in honor due and honor given. As Christian fathers let us walk in utmost reverence for our heavenly Father so that we may be deserving of honor from our children.
Now let us pray: Heavenly Father, grant me grace that I may love my children with fatherly compassion, correct them with fatherly love, and preserve the honor of fatherhood you have bestowed upon me. As your child, I ask for your compassion upon me, and your correction for me. Grant Lord, that I always abide in utmost reverence for you. Amen.
